Matt Millen Christens his new leader - "I dub thee - Harring-suck."

The Matt Millen Death Watch

The Millen Death Watch is a continuing feature of FiveYardPenalty.com - While we personally have nothing against Matt Millen, we really just feel sorry for the fans of the Detroit Lions, who have suffered long enough.

Matt Millen and his girlfriend (pictured) are in too deep with the MANagement of Brokeback Mountain. I mean... the Detroit Lions.

Decisions like "Hey, let's fire Maricci after two years after saddling him with talentless QB's and RB's." and "You know, Harrington is a pretty great QB in practice..." and "Let's bring in Kitna and see what he's got left in the tank...." are giving us the feeling the Lions won't be competitive for a LONG time. It's not Matt's fault though - it never is.

How long can it last? What is in Matt's future? Why are my hemorrhoids flaring up?

Well, I can't answer the hemorrhoids question, but I may be able to help with the others. This is the official timeline that points out where and how Matt Millen has made some bad moves.Check it out:

March 20th - Matt Millen decides to give Josh McCown some real competition in training camp by signing... Jon Kitna.

March 3rd - Matt Millen decides to shore up the QB position with Shaun King, formerly of the Bucs.

January 19th - Matt Millen hires Bobby Manicotti or whatever his name is. Ah yes, that's Rod Marinelli. I believe he was some sort of minor-league coach in AAA. Wait, that's baseball. Maybe that's what he was, a baseball coach... I don't know, and it seems Matt didn't either - but Marinelli is his FAVORITE dish. Marinelli proceeds to name Mike Martz HIS assistant. Because that makes sense, right?

November 28th - Millen fires Mariucci as coach, after handing him NO tools to work with. Dick Jauron of Bears fame is handed the reigns for a week or two.

The past three years - Millen uses first round picks on receivers, all of which get no time on the field since they are all splitting time. Great drafts, Matt!